Where Were You While We Were Fighting Mice?
by bashanbrunka
Summary: Join the OC gang on a whirlwind adventure as they save the world from invading Modest Mice; and experience a miracle in the life of Julie Cooper.


Where Were You While We Were Fighting Mice?

Disclaimers: As per usual, putting the disclaimers before the story will ruin all the surprises, so check them out at the end of the story.

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It was a day, just an ordinary day. Seth Cohen was just trying to get by. Just a boy, just an ordinary boy, he was looking to the sky.

Suddenly, though, Ryan Atwood stormed in and began ranting about having to perform a telegram. Then, he began singing:

_The latest word from Anaheim: The modest mice are moving in._

_They'll be at Topanga Beach by morning and we have got to win._

_So every man must take his place._

_It's our job to protect the human race._

_Pick up your Ninja Turtle sai,_

_And let's go make those modest mice cry._

Seth Cohen frantically jumps away from his window and exclaims, "No, Ryan, I can't! I'm not a man! Look at my chicken-like arms, I'm not equipped to fight mice!"

Ryan grabs his shoulders, trying to shake some sense into Seth. "Don't worry," Ryan tells him, "I'm from Chino."

Ryan, again, then bursts into melodious singing:

_"Let's get down to business to defeat the mice…"_

Seth, still looking confused and apprehensive, listens on.

_"You're the saddest kid I've ever met."_

Seth, now, looks slightly offended, but Ryan reassures him by continuing his musical composition:

_"But you can bet, before we're through. Mister, I'll make a man out of yoooooooouuuuuuu."_

Seth, now inspired by Ryan Atwood's kind offer to help make him into a man, explodes after being roused into action by the beautiful sounds of Ryan's crooning: "You would do that for me, Ryan? You would actually make me into a man?"

In the Cohens' backyard:

Ryan assembled the group; the troops all stood before him, with Ryan standing tall, leading the bunch. In front of him stood Seth, Screech, that small child Mark from _Step by Step_, and Steve Urkel.

Again, Ryan breaks into song, trying to inspire his rag-tag troops to become ruthless fighters:

_Tranquil as a forest  
But on fire within  
Once you find your center  
You are sure to win  
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot  
And you haven't got a clue  
Somehow I'll make a man out of you_

After hours and hours of rigorous training, Ryan tried to test his troops. They failed to meet any of his expectations, and as a last resort, he suggested another means of inspiration.

"You know what you pathetic lot needs? You need a reason to fight. What you need is a girl worth fighting for!"

"A what?" They all question, in unison.

Ryan, again, reinforces his point with a canticle.

_That's what I said:  
A girl worth fighting for_

Seth responds:

_I want her paler than the moon with eyes that shine like stars  
My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars._

Finishing his song, Seth exclaims, "I know! Six from _Blossom_! Perfection!"

Mark from Step by Step is loving this idea, too, and decides he'd like a girl worth fighting for, as well. He sings:

_I couldn't care less what she'll wear or what she looks like._

Mark then gets an excellent idea, "Pepper Ann! Pepper Ann! She's ideal! She's too cool for seventh grade, even!"

Screech is then caught up in the excitement and screams, "Brian Fellow! That's caaarazzy."

The others then respond that a guy, especially a fictional one, is not the appropriate girl to be fighting for.

After weeks of training, the army, under Ryan's leadership, was ready for battle against the modest mice.

Kiki and Sandy Cohen stood in the doorway of their home, donning "Stop at Nothing! T-Day: We won at Normandy. We can do it again at Topanga Beach!" tees, waving frantically at Seth and Ryan's retreating figures.

They call out:

_Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us  
Please bring honor to us all_

Loading her gear into her fighter jet, Mischa starts singing "Just Got Paid" by NSYNC.

She steps into the jet and asks her crew, consisting of herself and the yellow Boohbah, "All ready!"

Checking her reflection in the mirror, Mischa begins her song:

_Look at me_

_You may think you see who I really am_

_But you'll never know me_

_Every day_

_It's as if I play a part_

_If I wear a mask_

_I can fool the world_

_But I cannot fool my heart_

_She then opens her pilot trench coat and out fly two doves, symbolizing the peaceful nature of Mischa's heart._

_I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart_

_And what I believe in_

_But somehow I will show the world_

_What's inside my heart_

_And be loved for who I am_

While singing, Mischa pondered her dreadful state. She hated living in such a hateful and aggressive world when she was truly a Mahatma Gandhi on the inside. Her job, as a fighter pilot, also required her to wear a mask of belligerence. She only wished that one day she could be loved for who she really was inside: a Boohbah loving pacifist.

Ryan Atwood was now leading his army, heading straight toward Topanga Beach. To keep them on track, he provided them with melodious guidance, through song:

_(Be a man)  
We must be swift as  
the coursing river  
(Be a man)  
With all the force  
of a great typhoon  
(Be a man)  
With all the strength  
of a raging fire  
Mysterious as the  
dark side of the moon_

As he sang these inspirational lyrics, Ryan Atwood becomes enraged, as his troops are not heeding any of his orders.

He spies Seth, sedentary on a rock.

"Seth! You look more like a tranquil pond than a swift, coursing river!"

_Time is racing toward us  
till the mice arrive  
Heed my every order  
and you might survive  
You're unsuited for  
the rage of war  
So pack up, go home  
you're through  
How could I make a man  
out of you?_

Finally, Ryan's had enough and decides to just retreat to Newport. His troops will never make it to Topanga Beach.

Stirred by Ryan's insult, the troops jump up, hearts full of sheer force and will. They set out to prove Ryan wrong and display great vigor (and vim, too, sir.) They clasp hands, Red Rover style, and Ryan Atwood tries to test them, one final time. He charges at the solid group of hands, running full force, but shockingly, he cannot penetrate the strong link of nerds. Pleased, Ryan Atwood allows the group to continue their march to Topanga Beach.

As they were nearing Topanga Beach, Julie Cooper, Paul Scheer, and their army of modest mice could be heard singing their theme song, in which they use to rouse up excitement for their cause.

_Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place_

_Where the caravan chickens roam_

_Where Julie Cooper mocks you much less_

_If she does like your dress_

_It's barbaric, but hey, it's home_

_When the wind's from the east_

_And the sun's from the west_

_And the sand in the glass is right_

_Come on down_

_Stop on by_

_Hop a carpet and fly_

_To another Topanga Beach night_

_Topanga Beach nights_

_Like Topanga Beach days_

_More often that not_

_Are hotter than hot_

_In a lot of good ways_

_Topanga Beach nights_

_'Neath Topanga Beach moons_

_A fool off his guard_

_Could fall and fall hard_

_Out there on the dunes_

They finally reached Topanga Beach, pouring into the town, all ready for war. The mice were in their uniforms, modestly covered in oversized Poop tees, an idea inspired by Paul Scheer's love for those very same tees.

Across the street, they see the forces of Ryan Atwood's army. Suddenly, someone screams, "Ready, steady, go!" The forces then collide, erupting in battle. Sand flies throughout the air, as small mice in Poop tees are ratcheted into the sky. As battle continued, the casualties grew. Amidst the chaos, a small voice cries out.

_I can show you the world_

_Shining, shimmering, splendid_

_Now, tell me fighters_

_You last let your heart decide?_

_Unbelievable sights_

_Indescribable feeling_

_Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling_

_Through this endless peaceful sky_

_A whole new world_

Out of the fog steps Abraham Lincoln, the owner of that gorgeous voice that had just been singing.

He began speaking, once again:

Seven score ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a raging nation, torn by Civil War and dedicated to the proposition that all men are fighters. Now we are again engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. Having seen the destruction of that first Civil War, I am now dedicated to pacifism and hope that this battle at Topanga Beach will be the last this country sees. This nation shall have a new birth of freedom.

Abraham joins hands with William Penn, his Quaker pacifist friend, and quietly begin singing:

_True to your heart  
You must be  
True to your heart  
That's when the  
heavens will part  
And baby, shower you  
with my love  
Open your eyes  
Your heart can tell  
you no lies  
And when you're true  
to your heart  
I know it's gonna lead  
you straight to me  
(Got to be true  
to your heart)_

After a few moments, the air reverberated with the intense power of the singing, as the whole group, both armies included, clasped hands and sang out. As they sang, they toasted to one another and the truth in each of their hearts with small boxes of mini Motts and spoonfuls galore of peanut butter. They kept on singing,

_When things are gettin' crazy  
And you don't know  
where to start  
Keep on believin', baby  
Just be true to your heart  
When all the world around you  
It seems to fall apart  
Keep on believin', baby  
Just be true to your heart_

Behind the now joyous forces of the modest mice, Julie Cooper scowled and thought to herself:

These mice sing! And they sing!

AND they SING! SING! SING! SING!

And the more Julie Cooper thought of the Mice-Peaceful-Sing

The more Julie Cooper thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

She ran to the forefront, snatching the mini Motts and peanut butter, throwing it into her giant sack. She yelled, "You must stop this at once! You must stop this singing!"

A hush fell over the mice, as they wondered whether there could be peace without the Motts. However, the singing started up again.

Every mouse down in Topanga Beach, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any Motts at all!

She hadn't stopped peace from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

Then Julie Cooper thought of something she hadn't before!

"Maybe peace," she thought, "doesn't come from a store.

"Maybe peace...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?

Well...in Topanga Beach they say

That Julie Cooper's small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute her heart didn't feel quite so tight,

She whizzed with her sack through the bright morning light

And she brought back the Motts! And the peanut butter for the feast!

ENDENDENDENDEND

Disclaimers: We do not own Disney© animation studios, or any properties having to do with "Mulan." Any infringement on the movie were unintentional; we never even seen the film. We also wave the right to claim any of the songs from the Mulan soundtrack that were used in this story. That includes claims to Donny Osmond and 98º as well and Christina Aguilera. As for the title, the lyrics were changed from the Oasis song "Champagne Suprnova" and we don't own that either. We claim not rights over the Vanessa Carlton song "Ordinary Day," nor do we claim anything to do with the invention of or execution of singing telegrams, regular telegrams, or the postal service in any way, shape, or form. We sadly do not own Chino, Newport Beach, Anaheim, or Topanga Beach. We also do not claim to own the name Topanga, or the character from "Boy Meets World." The characters of Seth, Ryan, Marissa, Sandy, Kirsten (Kiki), and Julie Cooper all belong to Josh Schwartz and those other dudes. Screech, Mark from Step By Step, and Steve Urkel also belong to their prospective series creators and executive producers. Six from Blossom, Pepper Ann, and Brian Fellow also belong to the series' they belong to and the networks their shows ran on. We do not claim the phrase "that's craaaazy!" to be our own, but will claim loving said phrase. Modest Mouse does not belong to us, but the concept of Modest Mice in POOP tees does. We will also claim T-Day as our own, but we cannot say we own the tees, or Normandy, which belongs to France. We also, sadly do not own Mischa (Barton, that is,) NSYNC, Boohbahs, trench coats, doves, or Mahatma Gandhi. "Vim and vigor" do not belong to us, but I'd like to think we have been extraordinarily blessed with both vim and vigor, sir. Paul Scheer and the hot game of "Red Rover, Red Rover, send Ryan Atwood on over" were not left to us in anyone's will. "Arabian (Topanga Beach) Nights, "Ready, Steady, Go," ratcheted mice, "I Can Show you the World," Abraham Lincoln, The Gettysburg Address, William Penn, Motts Apple Juice, and Peanut Butter all belong to other people who we have not met and couldn't steal these great things from them yet. We also despondently cannot lay claims to "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (Motts and Peanut Butter)," his little heart, his larger heart, or peace. How upsetting! And most importantly, we do not claim to have patented the random introduction of the most random of figures from pop culture. It has, after all, been done on the O.C. for the past two years. Thanks for reading anf please do review!


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